Why I stop trying to befriend my employees

As a founder and CEO, at the beginning of my career, I intensely wanted my employees to like me. I am sure that if I behave like my “real self”, I can create a strong bond with my team. Despite my good intentions, he rarely worked.

I had to learn an important leadership lesson, and learn again. EEmplis are not your friends. The hereditary authority of your character creates obstacles to establishing a healthy friendship. The worse thing is that employees can take advantage of your friendship to harm your authority. It happened to me many years ago, and when that happened, I was destroyed.

I was attending an industry conference with some employees. In the last night of the conference, there was a big party with food, drinks, a DJ and sports. I challenged an employee for the video game competition, which I won. After that I boasted about my victory in a dramatic and fast way. I treated my friends like this, who understood that my ridiculous pride was not serious.

However, the employee described the program in a very different way to fellow workers. I was presented as a domineering and humiliation of the employee. When I heard this twisted retail, I was surprised. I sincerely cared for my team. I thought we were just entertaining. I was just my “real self”.

My CEO coach helped me see that as a leader, you are always “on stage”. Employees translate all your behavior through the lens of electric dynamics. When you hold employees accountable, an integral part of the leadership, resentment can force employees to label their efforts on friendship.

As a leader, you are fully responsible for creating and maintaining productive, positive and supportive work. This means that you should be responsible not only for your team for their job expectations, but you also have to have a healthy relationship with each team member. Both of these demands often clash. You should be friendly and balancing carefully. If you go too far in any direction, your authority and respect hurt.

Limits help you maintain this balance. Here are some strategies for building healthy boundaries with employees.

Related: Mark Anderson says you should not bring your entire self to work

The person who understands your dog is you

I like this Aforism because it captures an important leadership concept with humor: Employees decide what you do for them, not what you do as a leader.

Employees may not like you when you hold them accountable, but if you show real concern for their development and success they will like you. Permanent encouragement, vocal identity, and the offer of real positiveness reduce you negatively as a leader.

Be the cool cucumber

It is completely normal to be disappointed, especially with fellow workers. It is equally healthy for friends or advisers to stop these frustrations. However, employees may not be your advisor.

Extraction of employees makes you cruel, small and steadfast. This will eliminate whatever confidence and credibility you collect. Instead, share frustrations or concerns with a guardian, physician or professional coach. Keep a calm, positive and supportive attitude with employees, especially those that bother you.

Adopt the mentality of progress

There are toxic behavior in the workplace of accusations and finger indicating, especially when a leader does it. They create hatred and mistrust. You should go beyond the blame to adopt a development mentality.

Instead of focusing on who is responsible, focus on learning and growing. Recognize failure, but balance it with a commitment to learn and improve. When my company’s contract was lost, I was fanatical about why and what we can learn. This turned every loss into the opportunity to fix our actions, learn a lesson from our mistakes and win more deals in the future.

Making the limits of “no accusation” ensures that your leadership is permanently improving itself and not toxic behavior.

Related: Treatment of employees like colleagues can be a dangerous game.

The sound of silence

Silence is a powerful limit. Let employees talk, especially when something is wrong. Resist to tell them what is wrong or how to fix it. Instead, be curious and ask questions. Let them hold themselves accountable.

Moreover, when you ask a tough question, be quiet and give employees time to answer. It may feel hurt, but quietly allow people to accept responsibility.

Protect your privacy

Your privacy is an important limit. Keep personal details level. Avoid emotionally sensitive topics such as politics, religion, sexual or personal wealth, as they can create unnecessary conflicts or resentment.

Whether at work or socialization, encourage employees to talk about yourself instead of sharing their personal information. It creates harmony and makes you more accessible.

Establish clear limits of work life

The privacy of your employees is as important as your own. Your option on employees ends the moment to quit. This is a sacred limit that you should respect as a leader.

Avoid decisions about what employees do after work (or not). If you have to contact an employee after work, then thank them for their time.

Make social from strategies

It is good to make social with your employees from time to time. However, you should maintain professional behavior at all times. Remember, you are their manager after work or in the social environment.

Limit the use of alcohol and avoid discrimination. If your spouse is with you, make sure you both follow these guidelines and maintain the united front.

Related: Employee or Friend? How to maintain limits with people working for you

Avoid competitive conditions

Let your employees win. Any competition with employees should be comfortable, friendly and empty of any real stake. Never make real money, and avoid pride after winning to prevent negative impressions. If you are engaged in physical activity such as playing or exercising basketball, you still own them. Excessive aggressive or anti -behavior will re -translate into work and can provide fuel for negative statements.

You are always bosses – after work, after work, all the time. Although it is possible to build friendly relations with employees, real friendship is difficult.

Limits protect you and your employees. They help maintain respect and authority. They allow you to be friendly without promoting their authority.